Better You Blog

#5 Don’t have any expectations

How many times have you been disappointed? Probably hundreds of times, right? However, if you think back to your times of pain and loss, many of these instances were the direct result of having some goal in mind that wasn’t reached or some expectation that wasn’t met.

What if you gave up your expectations for a day? For one day, what if you said that you don’t really care about what happens?

When you start to attach how you feel to something that is out of your control, you are setting yourself up for feeling badly. There is nothing wrong with having goals and wanting certain things, but when you start relying on the outcome to derive any happiness from it, you can actually be stifling change and growth in your life.

In truth, expectations are just wishes and hopes. There is nothing wrong with them, but many of these same thoughts are based on a number of factors that you can not control; even if you try to.

For example, you can’t control how someone reacts to something that you do or say. People are autonomous and will respond in any way that they see fit. When we start to attach our personal feelings on how someone else reacts, we are setting ourselves up for feeling bad about our lives and our selves.

The point of eliminating expectations is to start focusing on what is happening right now; what you can control and what you can’t. If you are in a bad situation at work and your boss is yelling at you, you can’t control that. However, you can control how good of a job you do; though your boss might still yell at you anyways.

Just for today, try to remember that all that you have in your life is what is right in front of you. Step back and recognize that true change can only come when you stop making it the end all, be all of your existence. If you are trying to lose weight, for example, all you can do right now is eat better right now. You can’t expect that the meal that you eat today will affect you weight loss in the future. Nor can you expect that the one chocolate bar that you have today will ruin your chances of weight loss.

Try to understand that expectations to which you attach your self-worth and self-esteem are generally not worth meeting. It is not about not setting goals for yourself, it is about not making the bar so terribly high.

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